WhatsApp has become a place where we share some of the best jokes but nowadays the jokes have become a little outdated. So here we are with a number of new WhatsApp jokes that you would love to share with your friends and family.
ट्रेन में दो यात्री
पहला :- व्हाट्सअप इंसान को हमेशा आगे बढ़ाता है..
दूसरा :- वो कैसे..
पहला :- अब मुझे ही देखिए, दो स्टेशन पीछे उतरना था।
दुनिया कहाँ से कहाँ पहुँच गयी पर..
ग्रुप के हालात अभी भी वही है
भेजने वाले आठ और पढ़ने वाले साठ!
पता नहीं कहाँ नसीब लिखवाते हैं वो लोग
जिनकी व्हाट्सअप पर भी सेटिंग हो जाती है!
वैज्ञानिक चाहे कितनी भी खोज कर ले,
लेकिन इस बात का पता कभी नहीं लगा सकते की,
भारत में लोग उदास होने के बाद,
अपनी Whatsapp DP क्यूँ हटा देते हैं..??
जो ग्रुप मेम्बर ग्रुप में कुछ भेजने का का योगदान नहीं दे सकते,
वो कम से कम इतना तो जरूर करें कि जो लोग योगदान दे रहे हैं,
उनकी हौसला अफजाई करते रहें…
कुछ वक़्त तो गुजारिये अपने ग्रुप में…
कुछ नही रखा है खामोशी या चुप में!!
मजेदार व्हाट्सएप्प चुटकुले और जोक्स
विभिन्न शोहरों की पत्नियां उनसे कैसे लड़ती है़ :-
Pilot’s wife :- ज्यादा मत उड़ो
Teacher’s wife :- मुझे मत सिखाओ
Painter’s wife :- थोबड़ा रंग दूंगी
Dhobi’s wife :- धो दूंगी
Actor’s wife :- ज्यादा नाटक मत करो
Dentist’s wife :- बत्तीसी तोड़ दूंगी
Marwadi’s wife :- हिसाब से रहो
Engineer’s wife :- सारे पुर्जे ढ़ीले कर दूंगी
Architect’s wife :- ढ़ंग से रहो वरना थोबड़े का डिजाईन बदल दूंगी
Sunar’s wife :- एक जड़ दूंगी
Pandit’s wife :- घंटी बजा दूंगी
Musicians wife :- ढोल बजा दूंगी
Driver’s wife :- ब्रेक लगा दूंगी
Builders wife :- ईंट से ईंट बजा दूंगी
Doctors wife :- सही इलाज कर दूंगी
Advocate ki wife :- अपनी वकालत कोर्ट तक ही सीमित रखो!!
And the Best one…..
Admin ki wife :- ग्रुप डिलीट कर दूंगी!!
WHATSAPP JOKES IN ENGLISH
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Anna: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant’s milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
Ben: That’s impossible. Whose baby?
Anna: An elephant’s.
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn’t.
Officer: Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn’t speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can’t give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you’re a jerk!
Are you guys looking for some new funny jokes in English? If yes, you are in the right place. Laughter is the best medicine for your brain and body.
My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!
Difference between a beautiful night and a horror night.
Beautiful night is,
When you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is,
When your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
What is love?
Love is our 7th sense that destroys all 6 sense
And makes the person nonsense.
Once all the engineering professors were sitting in one plane.
Before the takeoff, one announcement came
“This plane is made by your students”
Then all the professors stood up, ran and went outside.
But the principal was sitting.
One guy came and asked, “are you not afraid”?
Then the principal replied
“I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won’t even start”.
A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
The bartender looks confused but gives him another beer.
This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?”
The man answers, “Now the problems start!”
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’
The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…
As the food was served, Husband said:
“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”
Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.
Wife wants to relax today!
Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.
Husband: why three tickets?
Wife: you and your parents.
Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”
Employee: Boss, I’ve got married. Can I get a pay rise?
Boss: We do not compensate for the accidents that happen outside of the work place.
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”
WHATSAPP JOKES STATUS
Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so near to Monday???
My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity.
Chaar (Four) bottle Vodka, I can’t afford roz ka.
Lazy People Fact #5812672793
You were too lazy to read that number.
I like to take the road less traveled…..helps me to avoid traffic.
I can see you checking my whatsapp status.
I’m looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
Fun is like life insurance. The older you get..the more it costs.
My week is basically …
Tried to lose weight…….But it keeps finding me.
Just wanted to say, you are as useless as “ueue” in a “queue”.
Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my Whatsapp status….
I wish I had google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.
Waiting for a wi-fi network.
Jidhar apna CRUSH hai , udhar hich sala RUSH hai and filhaal timepass k liye only CANDYCRUSH he…(hindi)
I don’t care what people think or say about me, I was not born on this earth to please everybody.
Tip to avoid car insurance……….Join Facebook and never leave home.
You can’t put a value on a human life, but my wife’s life insurance company made a pretty fair offer.
I will marry the girl who looks as pretty as in her Aadhaar card!!!!
Happiness is when “Last seen at” changes to “online” and then to “typing..”
Your whatsapp status says online …..If your online then why aren’t you texting me.
I want my Girlfriend like Google, She will understand me better.
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
I meditate for 20 min every morning …..It helps reduce stress of being 20 min late for everything.
Life will give you exactly what you need, not what you want.
Life is too short. Dont waste it removing pen drive safely.
My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
Coins Always Make Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent! ?that’s why i’m always Calm & Silent.
Stop checking my status ! Go Get A Life.
Xcuse me..I found something under my shoes. .ohh it’s your Attitude.
I’m cool but global warming made me hot.
Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth it.
One wise guy invented mobile application Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen feature.
Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Me and my wife live happily for 25 years… And then we met…!
One person’s LOL is another’s WTF!
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Dear Mario…..I Wasted My Childhood Trying To Save Your Girlfriend.Now, you help me to save mine.
I Loved A Girl and She Broke my heart….. Now every piece of my heart love DifferenT Girlz…. People called it flirt That’s Not fair…
. Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Exams!!!!The most creative phase of life.
Roses are red, Sky is blue ..Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two !!!
I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
I will be back before you pronunce afjkhnfkualnfhukcakecnhkj.
People r like music some say the truth and rest,just noise.
Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.
WHATSAPP JOKES HINDI
दुकानदार : कैसा सूट दिखाऊँ ?
महिला : पड़ोसन तड़प – तड़प कर दम तोड़ दे ऐसा ……
कुछ तो पढ़ी लिखी होगी गर्मी …. वरना इतनी डिग्रीयाँ लेकर कौन घूमता है ?
खून में तेरे गर्मी , गर्मी में तेरा खून …. ऊपर सूरज निचे धरती बीच में May aur june हे भगवान्
सोनू निगम : सुबह -सुबह मेरी नींद आज़ान से खुलती है
पाकिस्तानी : खुशनसीब हो भाई जान , हमारी तो बम धमाके से खुलती है
टीचर – संजू यमुना नदी कहॉं बहती है ?
संजू – जमीन पर
टीचर – नक्शे में बताओं कहॉं बहती है ?
संजू – नक्शे में कैसे बह सकती है, नक्शा गल नहीं जाएगा
वफादार तो वो लोग है जिन्होंने इस बार बीजेपी को वोट भी दिया और एंटी रोमियो स्क्वाड के डंडे भी चुप चाप खा रहे है
पत्नी:- अजी सुनते हो ? हमारी शादी करवाने वाले पंडित जी का देहांत हो गया
पति:- एक ना एक दिन तो उसे उसके कर्मों का फल मिलना ही था.
aaj ka social media
कॉकरोच देख कर चिल्लाते हुये दस किलोमीटर तक भागने वाले पाकिस्तान को धमका रहे होते हैं कि “अब भी वक्त है सुधर जाओ”।
सुबह एक महिला फल वाले से अंग्रेजी में फल मांग रही थी ये बोलकर – “Give me some destroyed husband”
एक घंटा लगा यह समझने में कि वह “नाशपति ” मांग रही थी।